You can probably look all this up on GOOGLE if you care to…

Saint Patrick was originally Welsh and was kidnapped by pirates from the coastal town where he lived and sold into slavery which is how he came to be in Ireland. But his miraculous conversion to Christianity made him take on the various pagan serpent cults, which is why they say he chased the snakes out of Ireland. And Ireland HAS NO SNAKES…whereas England is FULL OF THEM…mostly serving in Parliament.

St. Patrick should probably be the patron saint of Federal Prisons, since they make us all wear these dark green monkey suits here. So nobody is getting pinched today!

St. Patrick’s Day also commemorates the death of St. Gertrude who was the remarkable woman who became the patron saint of CATS…mostly because they had a rat and mouse problem in her nunnery and in the adjacent town.

Just remember that what brought on the BLACK DEATH was ignorant Europeans believed CATS to be the familiars of WITCHES and so murdered them all…which then brought the RATS and the MICE which carried the FLEAS that brought on the plague. Cats are also believed to keep away GHOSTS and EVIL SPIRITS as they also patrol the astral plane between worlds…which might be why they SLEEP all the time!

Oddly enough, Fairies, the Faire Folk and Leprechauns were believed to have not chosen a SIDE in the Angelic war when Lucifer fell, so they are trapped here on Earth in Limbo between worlds, which is why their behavior is so capricious and are sometimes good and sometimes bad.

Lepre-Chan in Gaelic means “EVIL SHOEMAKER”, which always makes me laugh when the USC Trojans play the Notre Dame FIGHTING IRISH. Stupid EVIL SHOE MAKERS! Either way, at the End of Time at the Final Judgment Day, they are apparently all doomed to perdition. (Which would include, I expect, Notre Dame as well! FIGHT ON!)

My grandmother, Ruth O’Day Morton Croft was from BLARNEY in Cork County, Ireland. My great uncle was DANNY O’DAY, a famed Irish Tenor that made his rendition of DANNY BOY Ireland’s NATIONAL ANTHEM. My mother’s maiden name was KENNEDY (which means, oddly enough, WOUNDED HEAD!) so we are somehow related to all the “Royal” Kennedy’s down the line…and the rest of me is Austrian Royalty, as my great uncle is a Baron in Austria…not that that means anything anymore…but good genes!

On a side note, I am somewhere in the Guinness Book of World Records for hosting the LARGEST ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATION EVER…as a Disc Jockey at Houlihan’s Old Place…where we closed off the entire parking lot of the Del Amo Shopping Mall and linked with the other 90 Houlihan’s across the country. I was on national radio and brought every one THE UNICORN SONG by the Chieftains and showed the world how to sing along and do all the HAND GESTURES that go with “THERE WERE GREEN ALLIGATORS AND LONG NECK GEESE SOME HUMPTY BACK LAMAS AND CHIMPANZEES…but sure as you’re Born…you’re NEVER GONNA SEE NO UNICORN!” A truly tragic tale of how the silly unicorns missed the boat…the boat being Noah’s Ark…

I was voted DISC JOCKEY OF THE YEAR in 1987 for the entire Houlian’s Chain for doing the promotion…which I think is out of business now, because people don’t actually go OUT anywhere to have fun and dance and sing anymore!

I will also FINALLY be on on KERRY CASSIDY’S PROJECT CAMELOT PROGRAM for a 15min. blast on Wednesday March 20th at 11 AM…so tune in or check her website. BIG NEWS on all fronts…GOD BLESS HER!

So ERIN GO BRAGH me darling ACHUSHLAS! Drink a green beer for me, Kiss someone Irish on the MOUTH and make those IRISH EYES SMILE!

TIP O’ The Hat and the Luck of the IRISH ta ye ALL!

Dr. Sean-David: Morton
Po Box 24549
Tucson, AZ, 85734